I’ve learned that life only really changes you if you’re brave enough to ask the important question: What’s the lesson here?
And then—harder still—if you’re willing to do the work.
The healing work.
The practical work.
The uncomfortable, messy, no-one-else-can-do-it-for-you work.
When you do, you come out stronger. More assured. More aware of what truly matters. It feels a bit like stripping back a mask—the one you’ve worn for years because it was expected of you. But there is breaking in the becoming, and you have to be prepared for that. Sometimes to break hard. To sit with anger, despair, hurt. To let the tears come without rushing to tidy them away.
Not everyone allows life to change them. Some people go through enormous experiences and remain exactly the same—whether for better or worse. As with everything, it comes down to choice. The choices you make for yourself. The signs you decide to notice. The quiet nudges that tell you you’re growing, that you’re becoming a version of yourself that is freer from shame you were never meant to carry and doubt that has held you back for far too long.
I no longer believe that “time heals all wounds.”
Time on its own does nothing.
It’s your actions—and your inactions.
Your willingness to be open to different approaches.
Your decision to move, or to stay stuck.
Those are the things that shape your outlook on life.
I recently heard a quote that struck me deeply: it is a heavy weight to carry the disappointment of unmet expectations of another person. That felt apt. Life events are not simply things that happen to us; they are things we decide what to do with.
Sometimes going through the worst shows you that you can survive things you never imagined you could.
For years I struggled with being alone. In my childhood, “alone” was framed as punishment. Something to fear. Something to avoid. Now, in this season of my life, I rather enjoy it. Quiet mornings with coffee. Snuggling in bed with the dogs. A carefully set dinner for one while I read a good book. I’ve learned that solitude, when chosen, can be a gift.
I pinned so much expectation on turning forty—imagining it as a magical turning point. But when forty arrived, I realized change had been all around me for years. The only thing missing was my willingness to step into it. Meaningful change doesn’t arrive with a birthday or a calendar year.
It arrives when you decide to embrace it.
For yourself.
By yourself.
One honest choice at a time.
Time passes—but growth is a decision.
Sarala Life — Life in Chapters: Careers, Canines, Cabernet & Courage 
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