How do you manage stress?
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For a long time, my response to stress was to become more organised.
Make a list. Find a solution. Anticipate the problem behind the problem. If I could get enough things under control, surely I would feel better.
As an attorney, that instinct has served me well. I can think through difficult situations, manage competing demands and keep moving when there is a lot at stake. But in my personal life, I am learning how tiring it can be to approach every worry as a matter requiring immediate attention.
Sometimes, I need to put the list down and ask myself a simpler question:
What do I actually need right now?
The answer might be sleep. Something to eat. Movement. A conversation where I don’t have to sound composed. Sometimes, I need to acknowledge that something is upsetting me before I start trying to fix it.
I don’t always get this right. There are days when my mind is several steps ahead of me, having conversations that haven’t happened and preparing for outcomes that may never arrive. Building a business has certainly given that part of my brain plenty of material.
But these are some of the ways I am learning to manage it.
I move my body and give my thoughts somewhere else to go.
Golf has become a lovely part of my life. There is something useful about having to pay attention to the ball in front of you when your mind would otherwise be occupied with twenty different things.
Exercise, time outdoors and being at the beach help too. I enjoy the feeling of being physically present somewhere—the water around my legs, the air on my skin, the simple pleasure of being outside.
For a while, my world gets bigger than whatever has been worrying me.
I give myself permission to rest sooner.
This is still a practice.
I can be very persuasive with myself about why I should keep going. There is always one more email, one more task, one more thing I could get out of the way.
Lately, I have been paying closer attention to the cues from my body. When I am tired, in pain or feeling the effects of hormonal changes, pushing harder can make an already difficult day feel worse.
I am learning to adjust what I expect of myself on those days. Some things can wait until I have more energy to give them.
I talk things through.
Therapy has given me space to examine the stories I tell myself, particularly the ones that turn uncertainty into a prediction of failure.
I am getting better at noticing the difference between “I don’t know how this will work out” and “This won’t work out.”
That distinction matters when you are building something new. It leaves room for possibility.
I make room for ordinary happiness.
Time with my husband and doggies. A good meal. A cute outfit. A little laughter. Something enjoyable on the calendar.
Around my birthday, there was champagne at midnight and cake for breakfast. There was rest, gratitude and permission to enjoy what was in front of me.
Those moments don’t resolve every concern. They do remind me that a concern doesn’t have to occupy every corner of my life.
I try to identify the next useful step.
When I think about everything at once—business, money, work, the future—it can become overwhelming very quickly.
So I try to bring the question closer: What can I do today?
Sometimes that means preparing a proposal or following up on an opportunity. Sometimes it means accepting that I have done what I can for now and allowing the matter to rest.
I am still learning how to leave it there.
Managing stress, for me, is becoming an exercise in paying attention: to what needs action, what needs patience and what my body is trying to tell me.
I want to build a meaningful, successful life. I also want to be present enough to enjoy it.
So lately, alongside asking myself what needs to get done, I have been asking:
What would help me feel a little more at ease today?
It is a small question, but I am learning to take the answer seriously.
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